Rollicking 'Ronketts' visit the Lancaster Rotary Club

[JACK BRUBAKER | The Scribbler, Dec 27, 2016]

The "Lancaster County sushi" table featured bologna-wrapped cream cheese and pickles. That was the first sign that the Lancaster Rotary Club's annual Christmas party was going to be more than usually festive and frivolous.

The second tipoff was watching a bonneted Valerie Swarr (alias Sadie Newswanger-Glick) solemnly sew shut the open end of a stocking.

Then, of course, there was Wally Otto (alias Benuel Petersheim), one of the creators of last Wednesday's Rotary entertainment, repeatedly emphasizing that "There are two ways to do things — the right way and the Ronks way.'"

Yes, this could only have been the first visitation of the fictitious Greater Ronks Rotary Club to the Lancaster Club's holiday spoof show.

Otto and Tom Baum (alias Levi Stoltzfus), the Club's president-elect, made it clear that the show they and Susan Eberly created for the amusement of Lancaster Rotarians and guests assembled at the Farm and Home Center was not a commentary on the Amish and other Plain sects, whose dress they imitated.

"Many of us have our roots in or are still Anabaptist," Baum explained before the show. "We don't poke fun at any particular Plain sect or religion at all, but rather our Pennsylvania German heritage and 'dumb talk.' "

Indeed, plenty of fun was poked. And a bit of pride was stoked.

"If you're not Dutch," Otto maintained, "you're not much."

Swarr and Nancy Vogel (alias Sadie Stoltzfus- Stoltzfoos) presented "a nice, sturdy block of scrapple" (actually a brick) to current Rotary President Lisa Groff. The scrapple packaging claimed not that it was "gluten-free" but that it contained "free gluten."

Swarr, Vogel, Baum and Otto read Chet Williamson's "Pennsylvania Dutch Night Before Christmas."

Swarr, Eberly and Michele Weiss (the Chow Chow Sisters) sang "A Few of My Favorite Things" (including the chorus beginning, "When the Pigs Oink, When the Cows Moo ...").

Finally, the "Ronkettes," in plain dress, performed "Blue Ball, Blue Ball" to the tune of "New York, New York." Weiss sang and Vogel, Eberly, Elaine Baum and Althea Ramsay-Carrigan lined up to show off some intentionally doplic dancing. They said they were "Puttin' on the Snitz."

A vunderful, vunderful time was had by all, but how could they miss on the first day of winter? As Otto exclaimed in a faux "Dutch" accent, "Rotary and Winter Stoltzfus on the same day? It's about like a supermoon!"

by Jack Brubaker, Dec 27, 2016, LancasterOnline

Next: Rotary Rendezvous